The Most Qualified Liars

Or, what we’re actually rewarding

Grief changed what I am willing to participate in. It sharpened my sense of what is real and what is not. It stripped away tolerance for language that sounds good but doesn’t withstand a modicum of scrutiny. It raised my threshold for what feels true, and it lowered my tolerance for what doesn’t. When grief became grace, it liberated me from the tyranny of wasting my time with institutional bullshit.

For example. My social media feed has recently decided I’m interested in learning about job interview strategies. I’m not, but anything that comes into my view probably contains a message from someone or somewhere. So, I gave in and paid attention to them. Watched and listened. Reel after reel from self-described “HR professionals” and “hiring experts” explain how to succeed in an interview. Which, apparently, now means knowing what to lie about, and how to tell the lies. They even say the word. Not “reframe” or “position.” No mention of “highlight your strengths.” Lie.

Such as:

• If you’re underpaid, don’t tell the truth about your salary. Pad it.

• If you’re leaving because your boss is toxic, don’t say that. Say you’re “looking for a new challenge.” Similarly, if your boss was difficult, say you learned a lot from them.

• If asked where you see yourself in five years, don’t tell the truth if it involves anything other than staying loyally within your company.

• If your hobbies aren’t “impressive” enough, replace them with better ones. Chess, Sudoku, coding, and poker demonstrate high-level thinking, analytical skills, and risk assessment. Sports and volunteering are also worth mentioning, even if you have no interest in them. Socializing, taking long walks in nature, listening to podcasts, spiritual quests (A real no-no), reading (I’m not kidding), and being involved in politics are very bad hobbies indeed.

• If you’re not interviewing anywhere else, say you are anyway. Create demand!

• If you were fired, say you mutually agreed to part ways, or your position was eliminated during restructuring.

• If you were out of work for periods and it shows employment gaps, stretch the dates of your jobs to close them, or claim to be freelance during those gaps.

• If you self-published your romance novels on Amazon, don’t say that. Make up a publishing company and say you’re a published author of over 20 books.

• Both "needing a job” and “not needing a job” are bad answers. Always lie about both.

The advice goes on, all delivered confidently, authoritatively, as if lying is not only acceptable but expected, no, required, for success, which raises a very simple question. Does the HR representative asking these questions realize they are being lied to? Of course, she (usually) knows. There is research on something called impression management. It described how candidates shape their own perception by emphasizing, omitting, polishing, and yes, lying. Employers are not sitting there believing every word. They expect and evaluate the answers, and reward the best liars with a job offer. Sit with that for a minute.

We have quietly built a system where success depends not just on what isn’t true, but on how convincingly it’s presented. Corporate America is looking for the best liars. What does that do to people? Eventually, it destroys them. That’s what.

I understand that interviews have always involved some level of performance. You present your best self. I also understand corporate America, having worked in it between 1978 and 1999, when I stopped and started writing for a living. In retrospect, I am glad that the circumstances of my leaving the corporate world, which were varied and at times painful, brought me to where I am today.

So yes, I know that people shape their answers to fit what a company is looking for. There is, however, a difference between presenting yourself well and being explicitly coached to fabricate. There is a difference between polishing the truth and replacing it. What strikes me most is that people are encouraged and coached to do this, and that it is discussed and normalized so casually. How many people seem to accept that this is how things work?

It’s completely understandable why young people, particularly Gen Z, increasingly reject traditional corporate jobs in favor of trades, entrepreneurship, flexible work schedules, and a sense of meaning and purpose (that’s 5 things if you’re counting, so have a nice day). What discussions about why leave out is maybe they are sick of lying to the women (usually) in little beige or red suits, with white teeth and fake smiles on their faces, waiting to hear how good they lie.

Fortunately, I’m not trying to convince an HR exec that I am someone who doesn’t exist. I’m thankful that my track record stands on its own and that my hobbies are irrelevant to people who hire me. I am not calibrating my answers to fit a particular persona. I am grateful for that in a way I probably would not have understood before Bix died—although I knew I had escaped the beast in 1999. Oh dear! An M dash!

Now, I see that the theater of bullshit doesn’t make sense. It’s like watching something that once felt normal suddenly reveal itself as strange and wrong.

We are teaching people how to lie in order to be seen as valuable. We are rewarding the people who do it best. And then we wonder why things feel so off. Why is trust low? Why is leadership disconnected and violent? Why do we happily write checks to the government to fund genocide and human trafficking and go on our merry way?

At some point, you start to see the connection. We are not just hiring employees. We are building a culture. If that culture is built on performance over truth, it’s not surprising that many of us feel off kilter, and that the world has become more violent and wasteful.

Grief reduces things. It brings life down to what actually matters. From that place, it becomes very hard to take seriously a system that depends on how well you can pretend. I am not naive. I understand that we all adapt to systems. We all present versions of ourselves depending on the situation. Those selves are not necessarily inauthentic. There is a line, however, or should be. Lately, it feels like that line is not just being crossed, it’s being taught. And it’s grotesque.

So yes, maybe the HR maven’s advice works. Maybe it helps people get jobs that will crush their souls. It also reveals something uncomfortable and ugly. We hire the most qualified liars and build businesses and structures around them. If that’s true, then the question is not just what kind of employees we are creating. It is what kind of culture requires that in the first place.

Grief wakes you up. And once you see something, it is very hard to unsee. A flick of consciousness is all we need to wake up, but losing a child is an entire picture show. I used to understand this world. Now I just feel relieved I don’t have to pretend in it anymore. I don’t think anyone else should either. That’s my self-help advice for today: stop pretending, and don’t participate in systems that expect you to.

How?

Play the Game Without Attachment

• Be Here Now: “The game is to be where you are, as honestly and consciously as you know how.” - Ram Dass

• Witness Consciousness: You use a “witness” part of yourself to observe attachments (like desires or aversions) rather than being controlled by them.

• No Personal Agenda: You can fully participate in life, including work, relationships, and hobbies, without needing them to be different, allowing you to “water everything you see” with love.

• Let Go of “Somebodyness”: You are not your roles, possessions, or achievements; you are the awareness behind them.

Should We Lie?

• The Problem with Lying: Lying is an attempt to control the game (attachment), create a certain image of oneself (ego/somebodyness), or avoid the discomfort of a “low” situation, all of which keep you attached. Lying to get a job creates an attachment to it that will hinder your ability to do it well and with love. Also, resentment toward yourself, the HR suit, and your colleagues is pretty much guaranteed.

• Conscious Action: A focus on “being love” and “conscious action” implies that actions, including speech, should arise from truth and compassion, not from fear or manipulation. All job interview lies stem from fear. Every single one. What are you afraid of?

Try an Experiment

In your job interview or in any dealings in life, be honest. Remain unattached to the outcome. Love everyone and tell the truth, as Ram Dass’ guru Neem Karoli Baba or Maharaj-ji would say. See what shifts. It will be miraculous.

Peace.