9 Comments
User's avatar
Aaron Sorensen's avatar

I don't know that this has been a problem for me, but it sounds like you are in a different space from me. I'm sorry that this is something that you have to deal with.

Karen Kelly's avatar

I think in this case it actually might be gender related, because just based on my 67 years of experience being a person, women get more unsolicited advice than men, and women tend to communicate in different ways than men. Research actually shows that women frequently experience unsolicited, generic, and prescriptive instructions more frequently than men, which leaves us feeling less respected and powerful. Men are significantly more likely to dish out this kind of uninvited feedback to women than vice versa. I think women reading this article would likely agree with my experience.

Aaron Sorensen's avatar

That makes sense. I hope you didn’t feel like I was invalidating your personal experience.

Karen Kelly's avatar

Absolutely not. Sharing your point of view actually supports some of this research; we are definitely in different spaces! I think it comes from conventional ideas that women need help and advice, and men don't - which is also screwed up because, of course, men need help and advice at times in their lives.

Aaron Sorensen's avatar

Certainly with writing I consider you to be the expert and appreciate any advice you can give me.

Pam McCarty's avatar

Sharing your feeling can be a slippery slope. When it fails you learn who not to go to next time.

Karen Kelly's avatar

Yes, it's remembering that counts in those cases.

Judith Mansour's avatar

So wise and sometimes obvious, but we rarely listen to our best friend: ourselves.

Michele Cambardella's avatar

This rings so true for me, Karen. I am learning the art of wisely choosing those I trust . Not everyone can walk this with us. Fortunately, we only need a few who can.